"Days I Will Never Forget"

It sucks so much that I can't be there for you anymore. It sucks we're not close and we don't see each other everyday that it even kills me sometimes. It's heartbreaking and I've been lying to myself for awhile that we're still the best of friends. We're still sisters but who am I kidding? You have a new best friend. You don't call or text me to hang out because you know I wouldn't be able to go. It's either I'm busy or I'm too much of a good girl to go. or even both. I don't know if I'll ever say this to you but we're not BEST friends anymore. Time has really made us grow apart. Is it because I'm close to my family? I'm so involved with my church? There's a reason for everything and I don't want to mention why it's like this. I wouldn't have become the person I am now. I think I would have been a bad kid or something.

I'm starting to forget the days we were so close. I'm forgetting the fun times we had because now I'm being replaced. I'm accepting it because there's nothing I can do. I don't put friends over my family. I had the intention of leading you to God... but unlike my parents, I focus on our friendship and not force you into going to my church or anything. I remember you called me "your angel." I was so touched... I'm still touched now but I'm afraid I have failed you. You have strayed away yet you are now looking to Him because of your dad. There is a reason why this is happening as well. God wants your attention and you. I have faith that your dad will get better. I just know it.

right now, i don't have faith in our friendship. If I were to tell you that, I wonder what you would say. you would probably be upset and agree with me. I'm pessimistic, I know. I look on the bad side of things quite a bit. Let's face it. I'm out of the loop. You've chosen your friends, your path...

I truly hope that you make it right with God. I really do. I know you want to live your life and have fun... but there's so much more to drinking and partying. Living your life to the fullest can be many other things.

I really do wish we're still the best of friends. I don't want to just be in and out of your life... but look where we are. I'm not even out of state and we're still losing touch with each other.... it's depressing. It's difficult to keep in touch with friends in general. It makes me sad to read a comment saying, "I miss you!" or even worse, "We need to hang out!" it's so hard because I have other priorities. I don't even have long lasting friendships anymore. I only have one or two, not including my church friends. so many sacrifices I have to make for my family... but wait, I'm not suppose to serve men. I think God is calling me to live this life. I am His servant.

To be honest, I like my reputation. Everyone knows me as the good girl. The good Christian girl. I have kept myself exceptionally pure in His eyes. I still make mistakes... I'm human! But I make the right choices. I know my limits. I know I haven't lived the typical high school/college life. I never drank, smoked, or anything that could ruin me. I've always stayed on the safe side. I guess that's why I have practically separated myself from you. I'm not like the rest and I don't intend to follow the crowd and "live to the fullest." There are teenagers who want to experience the bad. which is normal for any teenager, but is it pleasing to God?

I've read somewhere in the bible that God wants us to keep our innocence... or at least preserve as much as we can. People can see right through me and they know I am innocent and don't know a lot of things of this world. I don't go to parties... I have never been to a drinking party. ever. There have been a few people I have met in my life that has inspired me to become that. I strive for that.

I pray that God will direct me in my decision making. and that He will help me with friendships and loved ones.

I've decided a week ago that my new year's resolution would be to cut down on my social life... it seems like I already have. I just socialize a lot on the internet. Which is bad because seeing pictures of my friends upsets me. I'm not part of it. But I keep reminding myself that God has a better plan for me and that maybe being with my best friend will put me further away from Him.

I really mean it when I say I wish you the best. that you continue to grow and walk with God. of course God does not want me bring you down... I don't want to tell you that are friendship is gone. I'll just give it more time. We'll see down the road if we'll ever be like it was before. I don't know. It's up to God.