Probably my last post of this month

... because I don't know if I'll post anymore before saturday. I've been pretty occupado! God has really taken me somewhere I didn't expect to be and my mind has been wandering and my heart is slightly confused with boy troubles... I guess they're boy troubles... but bottom line, it's about a boy. yeah, stupid boys.

There has been a lot of trying times. It was kind of a roller coaster for me recently. I've been angry, sad, and happy... back and forth, up and down. I laughed, I cried. Sounds like I'm talking about a movie... but really, my faith and patience have been tested.

I made a new friend last tuesday and what never left my mind was the fact that I couldn't back myself up. I couldn't express my faith and love for God. I was so neutral... I couldn't be REAL. well, when you meet someone for the first time, it's always just the surface right? I can never be comfortable with a person when I first meet him/her. I'm terribly shy and laugh a lot. or laugh at everything. I guess it really depends on the person.

Lord, please give me the courage to open myself up to this person about YOU.

I wanted to blog about a relative that came to visit 2 weeks ago. so here I go:

where do I even begin? I was pretty excited for her to come visit. I really missed her. but after 3 days, I got a little impatient. All I can say was.... nothing. I had nothing to say about everything she said to me. So much bitterness and negativity! and I thought I was not-so-positive. I thought I was a little pessimistic. and I kept thinking, "I seriously hope and pray that I won't grow up to be bitter." She seriously needed Jesus. she needed Love. she kept telling me that you hear the same thing at church, so why bother going? it hurt me, but i just kept my silence. I'm really not the kind of person to talk back to a relative. I never really talked back at my dad because I know I'll never win the argument. but that's a different story.

I know you mean well, but do you have to be SO BITTER? I don't know how you can be related to one of the greatest people ... one of the most loving people.. I really don't know. You care so much, but do you have to talk that way? do you have to express so much dislike towards this person and that person? there's good in EVERYONE. I guess you just don't see that.

This was something I wanted to express last week but I just wasn't motivated to blog.

sorry for neglecting you blogspot.

I'll try to write more

gooodbye!