VENT

Sometimes I wish I wasn't part of my own church anymore. It's just too much! especially when it takes a lot out of me and I fail almost every time. I'm in this church because of my parents and I'm the only one who can lead worship every Sunday. I'm never free on the weekends anymore. I'm starting to miss those weekends where I'm out with my Dad who now lives in San Jose. It's ironic because when I was younger, I didn't like packing and staying at his house on the weekends. And now I'm tired of saturday mornings or whenever there's practice. I'm never motivated! I want to sing in the congregation again so I can worship without stress and worry. I'm not even that great of a musician other than having a voice. Sure, I play the keyboard but not well enough to improvise. That's why I like going to chapel... I have the opportunity to not only listen to great music but to sing in the congregation and just worship without everyone's eyes on me. Worship means so much more to me when it's not on a stage in front of people.

not only does it take up my weekends but it takes away time from my friends. it's hard enough not seeing my friends in college... so why take that from me on the weekends? I don't mean to be harsh but it's suffocating! I can now understand why Christians in college don't really have a home church. other than being far away from their actual home that's probably where their home church is, there's so much commitment that it takes me away from my studies. I think my grades would have been better if I wasn't so involved with the worship in my church. I just wish someone better than me comes along and take my place. seriously. that person would save my life and I can focus more on my school work and rehearse more. I'm already part of a ministry choir at school that visits churches on sundays so I'd miss my own church service practically once to twice a month.

Lord, help me to realize that it's not about me. I'm doing my part in this church for Your glory and not for myself or anyone else. I lose sight of You within all the busyness and franticness that I begin to lose heart in what I love to do and that's to sing for You. I'll say that sunday mornings aren't always at its worst. good things come out of bad. there's always a rainbow after the rain and the light at the end of the tunnel... that's what I always tell myself. out of every bad, there's something good coming out of it. And You never fail to give me such a thankful heart on Sundays. Even songs that I've sung a thousand times become new songs on sunday. You're truly indescribable that a song sometimes is not enough. We need silence and time devoted to You. In whatever I do, Lord God, please be there for me and get me through the rough days because I know I can't run away or avoid these obstacles in my life. Otherwise there'd be no purpose in life. Help me to see that this church is not just a building I go to every weekend. Remind me that the people matter to me and You did amazing things in their lives... You're the reason I get up in the morning to worship You. I'm not doing it for myself or my parents or anyone. You've called me to lead and here I am. With Your guidance, love and patience, Lord, I can do anything.

Most of all... give me the right things to say. Help me apply the songs to life so that it may mean something more than just songs. it should be so much more than just singing. worship is praying. worship is a lifestyle. it's our way of expressing ourselves to You.

God is good all the time

all the time God is good

He is the real deal

and the author of our lives

the beginning and the end

he's EVERYTHING