It really isn't a sunday...

when I'm not going to church. :\
yup, i'm stuck at my dad's because they don't go to church, not even mass. I'm disappointed and most of all, I'm most disappointed with myself. I really tried my best yesterday to convince them to go to church yesterday. My dad responded, "We're Catholic". He said it with no hesitation. Yet, they don't even attend mass. So I stopped asking my dad about it. Since my stepmom told me about a church that was near the house, I decided maybe it was good to convince her to get us to go to church. But, it occured to me that she doesn't wake up early enough and it'll take about a good hour and half to get the kids ready. thirdly, my dad isn't home. oh well. i tried, but i still let myself down. i kind of let my mom down. she told me to find a church and convince them to go.

I guess this goes to show how much spiritual growing I need. and strength to speak up and really have the heart and will-power to do what God wants me to do. I felt weak and doubtful about the whole situation, which probably hindered me about asking.

I'm so very much looking forward to what's in store for me at APU. I'm excited yet nervous I won't be making that many friends when I'm commuting. My stepmom was asking me "Why APU?". And when being put on the spot, I get lost for words and responded with "I don't know". wow did I feel stupid. of course i had a reason! The reason why I didn't want to explain was that I didn't think she and my dad would understand.

I want more knowledge of the Word. I want a deeper love for my God. I want change for myself. My friends from high school shaped me into something that I'm not proud of. With a different environment and different people I'll meet, I'll grow into the person I want to be.

I like small schools. It's good for me because of the fact that a professor will remember my name. Southlands really had something to do with it. Don't get me wrong I liked WHS. I actually wanted to get away from SCS because of the people. I felt distant and that I didn't belong. My friends were in WHS and it happened! But... it made me realize that I needed to be in a smaller environment.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do 5 to 10 years from now even though I'm a music major. I can do many things with music. I've thought about Music Therapy at UP (University of the Pacific in Stockton) but i didn't finish the application. I've thought about going to mt. sac first to save money but I didn't want to see the same people. going to mt. sac is still being in walnut. I've applied to CSUF and Cal Poly and got acceptance. The fact that I got early acceptance to APU in november really helped with my decision. I probably should have thought about it more but I felt God wanted me to be there. That's why I couldn't explain that to my parents. I couldn't say "Because God told me to" or "I felt God was leading me to that school". I had a want. and I wanted to go to APU. They have what I want and what I'm looking for. Also I have something to offer as well.

mannn, financial aid and all that loan stuff is such a pain in the arse.
but that's a different story.
yay got the 1st tuition paid yesterday. PTL
9 more to go -_-
so expensive
But I believe it's worth it.