Oh help me God

Lord, please fill in the void in my heart
why am i so distant from You?
why am i not desiring You?
why don't i have that hunger for Your word?
Lord, remove this attitude of negativity
help me to seek You
I want to want You more
why is it so hard for me?
I need more You
be the lifter of my head
I need you to take over
Lord, i wish i knew the answers to the countless questions that no one else can answer for me. because i know for a fact You are my answer, i just need to grasp it and believe and have faith in me and most importantly You. Every morning, before i head to school, my mom would pray with me and my brother and would read a verse to start off the day. somehow i keep falling and falling to no end. i find it hard to stand up... to stand firm in times of trials and tribulations. it seems as if it takes me further away from You. why? what must i do? i know there are people out there in worst situations than i am and i should feel blessed and count my blessings, but i seem to overlook that. i need to be awakened and i need You more in my life. because i feel nothing. i feel empty.

but that won't give me any reason to give up on everything, life itself. i won't give up on You. i won't give up on myself. i know better and i went there already and i'm not going back again. You are with me, because if not, I would be further down than where i am right now. i would be in a worse condition. I know with what's going on, it will build me up and make me stronger. it's hard i have to admit. and i completely abhorr feeling this. i can't describe it and it's no one's fault that i feel this way. i hate it.

i will praise You in this storm
and i will dance when this is over
i will rejoice in You always through good and bad
my life is in Your hands