New Blogspot!

Due to email issues, and having to switch between accounts all the time, I have succumbed to the idea of starting all over.

arejaybeee.blogspot.com

2014

Better late than never to write my first post of the new year! 

My two weeks being home in the states with my family was indeed way too short. But nonetheless, I am thankful to even have visited as I was expected to celebrate Christmas here in the Philippines with a friend and her family. 

It's been awhile since I last wrote in here and I would like that to change this year. 

it seems to be such a habit now but if I can make time for other social networks, I think I can come back here where I hope not so many people can read what I want to release here. 

It's about to get personal. 

As much as I want to say the good things and talk about the One who gave me life... I gotta be honest with myself before God. 

I saw that the more I distance myself from people, from my devotions with God, and more into my own needs and selfish wants, it most definitely becomes my own show. I stop looking to what God wants for me and instead leave me to my own thoughts, by myself to my own wants, what I need now. I can't do life alone, I know that. I like being alone but I use it to my disadvantage sometimes leaving Him out of the equation. I like to shut people out and rationalize it by saying they didn't really want my company. 

It's been difficult to have that balance. I'm here in this country for school... I can't really invest so much of my time to church. I'm in a season right now where my focus needs to be in education and the finish line is just oh so close! I have about 1 year left here and it's motivating me at this point. So it's apparent right now that I don't belong here. I belong where I am wanted and that is back where I was born and raised. But maybe I wasn't open enough to be of God's use? Maybe that's what I'm afraid of? That possibly maybe have found my future is in this country that bears my nationality. I have absolute no regrets being here for 4 years. I've met some of the best, worst and in between people that encourage me, left me with lessons and those that are just like me. I guess I can't decide by myself what I will do. 

The vision that has been recurring in my heart is music. I am certain that I will pursue it but once I reach that, it actually doesn't stop there. My pursuit for my love for music will keep going once I think I have reached that place of content. The way I see it, just like my relationship with God, at times, there are those cold seasons where I lose my passion. I seek detours when I know in my heart what exactly I want to do. And it's not nursing for the rest of my life however it's a stepping stone. I needed this for sure. Because I don't want to find myself at 30 years old realizing that I should have done nursing during my college days. I have met so many people in last several years with that regret. And who wants to still go to school, especially nursing at that age?? I wouldn't want that for myself. 

Which brings me to this:

if I can dream it, I best be believing in it!

and I've always been on the outside looking in. 

and I've yet to find my place, wherever that may be... I entrust God my life.

I won't force myself and fake that I am this godly woman who solely runs to God. I have failed so many times by doing that. For it is more than just a feeling. And I hope and pray so much that I would get out of that cycle of a loop. I want consistency with God. 

I guess this race goes on until the Lord calls me heavenward. 

This pursuit for God, for music... goes on for the rest of my life. 

That is what I will hold on to. 

I will not stop. 

A Month of Thanks

So instead of venting all my problems and troubles on here, I will list what I am thankful for in lieu of Thanksgiving in the coming weeks. 

1. Family

I got the surprise visit of my life when my mama Lita (grandma) came to visit the Philippines most especially to see me. I never would have thought her heart would change to do this. Although my patience ran low for her, I appreciated the little things that I never noticed from her before. Prayerfully, this visit will not be her last!

2. My Best Friend since the 7th grade.

You do the math. It's been a long time and she's pretty much the only best friend I have kept in touch with. College and the huge distance made us grow apart a little but that doesn't negate the fact that we're best friends. I'm so thankful to have made our small vacation together! I didn't flake this time!:) our trip was very much needed to catch up and to get to know each other again. I must say, she has changed and has grown up since high school! 

3. Worship

Singing is in fact a gift from God and I am truly thankful to be using that gift til this day. And it's becoming clearer as to what I should do with my life in terms of music. I just pray for guidance and direction! I know and trust what God has planned for me. 

4. Christmas lights

5. The color green

6. Blue skies

7. My labradoodle

I miss him so much:( he passed away about 2 months or so ago and my parents could not even bring themselves to tell me until weeks later. He's practically a member of the family ever since my step dad came into my life in grade school. It's been that long. Rest in peace Rex!!

8. This Taipei sunset

My affinity for hiking is growing and I know I will have many more of these! So glad to have experienced this in a new country with my very best friend:) praise God for His beauty in every sunrise and sunset!

9. Home

Which I will soon see next month:) claiming it in Jesus' name!

10. My sister in Christ

Before I even started another school year at a new school, I met this special lady who has been there for me and prayed for me. Sometimes I would take her for granted but I want to give my thanks to God for her. She's been an encouraging prayer warrior for someone who is younger than me and was recently saved over a year ago. People like her made me realize how resilient and perseverent Filipinos are. People like her make me love this country even more because quite honestly, I've never met so many people in the Philippines who are so on fire for God compared to those in the states. I will cherish every good and bad as long as I'm still here for I will very much miss this country when it is time for me to go back for good. Lord, thank You for allowing me to meet people that draws me closer to You. 

Biak-na-bato

Hearing the sound of frogs and crickets

Carrying my backpack while everyone brought their bare minimum

Letting someone borrow my umbrella who needed it more

Wearing flip flops in the presence of mud and dirt

It was indeed an adventure of a field trip that I very much enjoyed despite everyone else might think. It was my first historical site that I have ever visited that I liked. I still want to visit Intramuros and Luneta Park (which will happen before I leave this country for good!) but I'm still thankful to explore places such as this. We also visited a museum or two but walking through a national park was my favorite in the entire trip. 

This was basically the highlight of my weekend:) felt more like a vacation than it was a field trip!

But that's just me.

When a Facebook status and 140 characters are not enough..

 Made a new friend like it was kindergarten. 

(High School Musical anyone?:)

 I just might like commuting more than riding a taxi...

 The Eggplant Game. 

 My favorite kind of pasta.

PUTTANESCA<3 p="">

 10 am Sunday service. Backstage. 

Series Break with Pastor Bernhard.

1. You know those kind of friendships where as soon as you talk to that person, you instantly just click? It's so natural, like me and this girl just talked like it was kindergarten. I just love making new friends and the best way to do so would be getting involved in clubs and organizations! Meet my new FilAm friend, Joy! I attended the first of my org meetings for chorale and a community service club. And, yes, we had just became friends that same day and we were already riding a taxi together to go to SM. 

2. As much as possible, I do my best to save money. (sort of) so to lessen my expenses, I commute by taking the jeepney and bus! Definitely, feeling like a local. 

3. Volunteer Association for Community Services (VACS). First meeting and a fun one it was.

4. Guys, real Italian pasta tastes like Puttanesca or any pasta with a spice flavor... none of that sweet sauce stuff!

5. & 6. I love my church and just being around people... as much as an introvert I can be. They not only put a smile on my face but they love and serve God! And the message was on point today as it did spoke to my heart. I have to be around people in order to enjoy God. What better way than to get to know those who have a testimony to share? 

Formerly Disney

I have no idea why I barely found out that they actually named themselves "78Violet"
This whole time they have been "Aly + AJ" who were Disney kids back in the day (yeah, it seems so long ago to me) and at this very hour, I'm listening to them.

I'm trying to describe their new sound. It's less "pop". I guess it would be indie? See for yourself and have a listen:)

this song almost sounds like a completely different song.. so raw, stripped down. No musical theatrics and layers.

I am officially a fan of them.... again. haha

Instead of working on my case study

I think it's about time to update this thing.

1. Got a new iPhone and laptop! And my family has gone over to team Android. what.
2. Already started my first duty rotation in the OR at my new school
3. I transferred from Global City Innovative College to Makati Medical Center College of Nursing. It's really for the best.
4. I am so excited for some of my friends who are going places and entering new seasons in their lives!
5. Thank God for my spiritual family. going to church doesn't make you a Christian but it's sure difficult to live a life for Christ when you don't surround yourself with people who love God.
6. Life is too short to hold anger or grudges against people.
7. No matter how boring or ordinary your day is... you can always find beauty in the simple things. All you gotta do is see it through different eyes by taking a photo. Try it. It makes a difference, I tell ya.
8. Up until now, I still cannot speak Tagalog. At least not fluently.
9. I love meeting new people and making friends.
10. I auditioned for the Voice in the Philippines and passed the blind auditions... at my church. haha the youth service is doing a series called the Voice and they really did have the whole audition/battle rounds thing going on. Unfortunately, I had to stop because of my schedule for school.

So, I'm in my 3rd year of nursing and the plan that I have in my head is starting to form... and I may or may not pursue nursing. For one thing, California is becoming more strict in accepting nurses from abroad (whether or not you're a U.S. citizen). I'm willing to work out of state, maybe Arizona or Nevada.... but.... there's the plan that doesn't have anything to do with nursing. In my mind, I really have no idea what lies ahead if I choose to not get my nursing license. That's the beauty of faith and trusting God with my plans, right? Anyways, I know for a fact that music is my ultimate destination, as in, before I die, that is what I will be doing. I have this picture in my head that maybe somehow it will just fall into place once I meet people who will get me there.

My dream? When I first thought about this in my senior year of high school or 1st year of college, it seemed too big of a dream for me. I would like to own a music studio some day. A place where I can offer voice lessons and then branch out into instruments and performing arts! Wherever God leads me with the gift He has given me. It just has to be used otherwise my life would become one big regret.

Earlier today, I was thinking that maybe nursing really isn't cut out for me. However, I must finish college and then decide from there my next step.

I know where my heart lies... I just pray that I have the boldness to take any opportunity there is in the music world. that I will not fear in whatever decision I make once I'm done with school here in the Philippines, it will be what God is directing me to. My parents and friends' approval are secondary to what God wants for me. I earnestly pray that I seek His will and carry it out. It will take time and when the time comes around, I won't rush.